Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


I am wide awake. This is common for me when I have a lot running through my mind.

There are so many thoughts I have been having recently that I have found it hard to get on here.

First, I have been researching nursing programs. I have finally decided that for everything I want out of a career it would be a good fit for me. I have never known what I wanted to do with the exception of being a mom. It has taken me a long time to figure this out.

I started figuring out what I wanted in a career through a therapist I used to see. She was able to help me focus on what was important to me and what I would want from a career. Now I am terrified I won't do well in school. I have been to college and always avoided science classes at all costs. I will now have to go take 4 science classes to get into nursing school. This scares the crap out of me!

Second, BABY.

My heart wants a baby. My logic says to wait. My husband wants a baby.

My heart still breaks over the loss of our pregnancy in July. I think every day how I should be pregnant and getting bigger with a baby. I think about our baby every day.

Now I know everybody that has kids always says you can't plan everything, everything will always work out and that there is never a good time to have a baby.

WELL my brain is going crazy with all of this. My heart aches every time I see a baby. When I see my husband holding or playing with a baby my heart drops. I can't help feeling what I feel but I am a planner or at least I always try to be.

My brain always has this picture with a timeline in it of where things should be and what age I should be at doing certain things. Now most people I know will say (I say it also) expectations are planned disappointments. Nothing goes as planned. I know I've REALLY tried in the past. I try and try to not have this time line in my brain but somehow it always creeps back in.

There are a few reasons I want to wait on having a baby.
1. Money shortage
2. Nursing school

Ok maybe not a few maybe only two reasons... hmmmm.... I'm puzzled now. Oh wait and my job sucks. I can't imagine being gone from a new baby 5 days a week! (This is another plus of nursing. 3 12 hours days is full time)

The reason I want a baby. My heart and my husband both want to start a family. Matt is the love of my life. I want nothing more than to start a family with him. I know with him our family regardless of how much money we have or what we do will be perfect.

Matt knows every day I think about a baby. He told me today he wants me to get pregnant (my heart melts).

Awhile ago I got a fortune cookie I keep in my iphone case that says "Forget the doubts and fears that are creeping into your heart". When I got this Matt looked at me, I knew then what he was thinking without him saying it. BABY.

I need to do some praying about this. Please feel free to leave comments with helping words or what you think.

xoxo, J


  1. Oh sweet friend. Pray. Give it all to God. He knows the plan for your life. Ask him to guide you. I will pray for you of course. I think you should get through nursing school first before having a child. Nursing school is something you desire. You probably won't have the chance to do it once a baby is born. You two have so much time to devote to a family. Pray Pray Pray. Love you <333

  2. Little, what a sweet, sweet post. It's heart warming to see you sharing some intimate feelings about your hopes and fears. Just know that whatever is supposed to happen will, I know that's hard to accept, but it has been true thus far, right? You found Matt, you decided on Nursing... everything has come eventually, just when you were ready for it, and just like when having a baby will :) xoxo

  3. I came across this blogpost this morning and thought of you <333


  4. Sister, I've learned that no matter what you try to plan for, the future will take hold and map out it's own course. Live life the way that you want to live life and if it means having a baby, then go for it.

    Just as bad as your are wanting nursing school and making that happen, put the same effort into having a baby. Life is too short to wait and you guys will be fantastic parents. And I promise, free baby sitting from Aunt Lehua!

    Love you!!

  5. For some reason, things in life happen that is hard to understand and explain. I guess it reminds us to always live life to the fullest and to be grateful for what we have. I know you will be a wonderful mother and nurse and I can't wait to celebrate with you the joyous occasions with you when they happen. You are truly an amazing person and I know everything will work itself out for you. Stay positive and strong sister. Love you lots!